XD

My love story.

2011-04-16T14:25:00.003+08:00

Incase you're wondering what folly means,
I googled it and this is what it says,
1. the state or quality of being foolish
2. a foolish action, practice, idea
3. a costly and foolish undertaking
I'm sure you get it.

3.16 AM

2011-03-25T03:17:00.003+08:00

It's late into the night yet super early in the morning right now. Best of both worlds at the moment, deciding between whether to say it's late or it's early right now.
I'm actually waiting for my downloads to be complete, it says 10 minutes left but yet 10 minutes ago it said 13 minutes left..... Goes to show how fast the internet connection is. Don't you just hate that! Waiting and waiting and waiting and you realise 10 minutes has passed and in your mind ' ah, 3 more minutes and the download's complete ' then when you check it................

BAAAAMMMM!!!!
Ice cream truck drives into your house and a clown comes out of the driver seat and tries to kidnap you to clown land!!

Okay, I'm exaggerating :P but yeah, you check your downloads and it says you gotta wait another 10 minutes. Bitch much internet!

So my download's complete, which marks the end of this post. Made this post just to fill my time.
HAH! You'll think this post is lame and ridiculous probably, but if you decide to think so. Keep that thought to yourself cause I couldn't care less if you were to tell me so :D HEHE.
I'll post something better next time to make up for this booooring post.

SO.....
PEACE BITCHAS & MUDAPUCKAHS OUT DER!

Cuteness overload.

Body type.

2011-03-17T22:28:00.010+08:00

Everyone has body image ; coca-cola body, hourglass body, dumbbells, pear shape, apple shape.. bla bla bla & the list probably goes on.. So considering the much weight I've gained in the past 2 years, I've taken it up to myself to make it a moot point that I need to lose it all and I mean... LOSE IT ALL!!

So I've got a friend whose helping me to motivate myself~ such good friends I have. So in all the ruckus of working out and watching my food. I started researching about my body, cause I feel that I should know about my body type and what best workout to do in order to lose the excess weight I've gained. I've found about three articles talking about body types, & it caught my interest :D

Somatotypes: Ectomorph, Endomorph, Mesomorph Body Type

What are somatotypes? In short, somatotypes represent three different body types known as ectomorph, endomorph, and mesomorph. Dr. William Sheldon developed the original system on classifying these body types. Put bluntly, an ectomorph is long and skinny, an endomorph is short and fat, and a mesomorph is v-shaped and muscular. These are extremes and in reality most people are a combination. Now, anyone can look in the mirror and try to assess where they fit in based on these three body types.

Somatotyping

There’s no specific “somatotype test” but Dr. Sheldon did develop the somatotyping system that attempts to classify people by body type. The key is to look at the mirror, assess the characteristics below, and grade yourself on a scale of 1-7 within each of the three body types. In this manner, you come up with a three number score (endomorph, mesomorph, ectomorph). A 7 is a perfect match, a 1 is a low match. So a pure endomorph would be 711, a pure mesomorph 171, and a pure ectomorph 117. Some people like to compare these scores to the perceived scores for professional athletes. For example, a professional basketball player might be 147 indicating few characteristics of an endomorph, average characteristics of a mesomorph, and extreme characteristics of an ectomorph.

Here are the characteristics of the three somatotypes:

Ectomorph Body Type

Thin
Tall
Light build
Little muscle
Little fat
Narrow shoulders/chest/stomach/hips
Hard time gaining muscle

Endomorph Body Type

Pear shaped
Short arms/legs
Soft build
Under developed muscles
Excess fat
Wide shoulders/hips
Gain weight easily

Mesomorph Body Type

V-shaped Muscular build
Little fat
Wide shoulders
Narrow hips
Easily gain muscle and lose fat

So go figure, I'm an endomorph :(

After knowing what body type I have, it led me to another good article :D

The Plight of The Endomorph

Most people who are training hard but still strugglin

g to lose body fat have an endomorph body type. An endomorph is someone who is genetically prone to store fat easily due to a slow metabolism. Endomorph body types are usually, but not always, large-framed with medium to large joints. If you're an endomorph and you mess up on your diet, the surplus calories are almost certain to go to fat. Even when you're in a caloric deficit, it seems like the fat goes down at a painfully slow rate.

Of all the three body types, the endomoph body type may seem the least desirable one to have if your goal is fat loss. It's frustrating sometimes. No matter what you do, it seems like you're at a disadvantage.

While there are genetically-influenced disadvantages to having the endomorph body type, the good news is that even if you're an endomorph you can burn fat and get as lean as you want to be. An endomorph body type is not "bad." There are no good or bad body types. Is your eye color good or bad? No, it simply is what it is. It's what you inherited.

There are countless examples of endomorphs who were once overweight or obese and who went on to become super lean. What they did was to simply understand their body type and adjust their nutrition and training accordingly. They understood that they couldn't copy someone else's diet and expect the same results unless that other person had the same type of body.

Metabolic characteristics of the Endomorph

The endomorph body type doesn't necessarily refer only to outward physical characteristics, although Sheldon's somtatotyping system originally referred to body structure alone. More recent advancements in body typing such as the Heath-Carter method, take into account internal (metabolic) characteristics as well.

From a metabolic perspective, the endomorph body type sometimes has varying degrees of carbohydrate sensitivity and insulin resistance. Pay close attention, because this is an important point. If someone is metabolically carbohydrate intolerant due to a genetic tendency, then high carbohydrate diets are not the preferred choice for fat loss goals as they will stimulate excess secretion of insulin and glucose will be partitioned into the fat cells more easily.

A nutrition strategy for the carb intolerant endomorph then is to immediately clip the processed and refined carbs from the diet, particularly white sugar and white flour products. These concentrated carbs will convert to body fat more rapidly in endomorphs. The best solution for the endomorph body type is a moderate carb diet as baseline, for example a 40-40-20 split of protein, carbs and fat. For those particularly carb sensitive, taking the dietary fats up to 30% may be even better, producing a 40-30-30 macronutrient split.

From the baseline diet, the endomorph must carefully watch body composition results and adjust the carbohydrate intake according to the results. For some endo's a further drop in carbs may be called for and in the extreme cases a small handful of them may find they are best of with a traditional ketogenic diet which is even lower in carbs and higher in fat.

& last but not least, the last article :)

Determining the Best Workout for Your Body Type

People come in all shapes, but most can be placed into a particular category of body type, mesomorph, ectomorph, or endomorph. These body types have different characteristics, and you should tailor your workout to whichever you belong. Here's the skinny on the different types of bodies:

A mesomorph (or meso, for short) can be defined in one word: muscular. If you're a meso, your body type is usually the envy of all gym rats because you can increase your muscle size quickly and easily. The well-developed, rectangular shapes of mesomorphs are representative of their thick bones and muscles. (Before you get too excited about this perfect form, keep in mind that being a meso may also mean you have poor flexibility.) If you are a characteristic mesomorph, you have a well-defined chest and shoulders that are both larger and broader than your waistline. Your abdomen is taut and your hips are generally the same width as your shoulders. Your buttocks, thighs, and calves are all toned and defined.

As muscularly defined, athletic-looking individuals, mesomorphs are full of energy, are physically capable of a lot of activity, and tend to be aggressive athletically. (Usually no couch potatoes in this group.) Although mesomorphs generally store fat evenly all over their bodies, they can become overweight if they are sedentary and consume a high-fat and/or high-calorie diet.

Cardiovascular disease can be a primary threat to an overweight meso, so if you fit into that category, your best method of prevention is to maintain a healthy diet and a balanced exercise regime. Remember that your heart is a muscle, too, and the best way to keep it fit is to perform cardiovascular activities.

Craving physical activity and constantly seeking action, the mesomorph makes a great athlete. As a meso, you excel in sports that require great strength, short bursts of energy, and lots of power. Mesos are always popular in gym class and at the playground, because people want mesos on their teams. If you're scouting for body types at your local gym (and who isn't?), you will most likely find your fellow mesos lifting weights and avoiding the equipment like step machines or .

A one-word description for the ectomorph body type (or ecto, for short) is slim. If you're an ecto, mesomorphs and endomorphs usually don't want to stand next to you. It's not that ectomorphs aren't personable, it's just that you're probably a tall, slender individual who has trouble gaining weight (oh darn!). As you may have guessed, the perfect example of an ecto is a fashion model.

An ectomorph is relatively linear in shape with a delicate build, narrow hips and pelvis, and long arms and legs. As an ecto, your muscle and bone outlines are usually visible (especially if you are an extremely thin ecto), and you normally have less fat and muscle mass than people with other body types. Remember, though, that you probably don't have all the features of a characteristic endomorph, but a blend of features from more than one body type.

Although willowy ectomorphs cover the majority of fashion magazines, nobody's perfect, and ectos do have health concerns. Your primary concern as an ectomorph is your frail stature consisting of small bones and joints that have a tendency to be injured easily during sporting activities.

You probably won't be the star of your football team or the next champion gladiator. Don't worry — your body type is natural

ly suited to perform wonderfully in endurance activities. Just remember: Balancing your activities is the key. Like mesomorphs, ectos have a tendency to stick with what they do best, and ectos excel at cardiovascular training. You find balance in your workouts when you do both aerobic and muscle training.

A one-word description of the endomorph body type (or endo, for short) is curvy. The soft, flowing curves of an endo are similar to that of an hourglass in more ways than one. And wouldn't you know it; the sands of an hourglass tend to settle in its bottom half just like the fat in the body. Comparatively, if you're an endomorph, your body fat may have a tendency to settle into the lower regions of your body, predominantly the lower abdomen, hips, and thighs, rather than being distributed evenly throughout your body. Keep in mind, though, that most endomorphs don't have all the features of characteristic endomorph, but a blend of features from other body types as well.

An endomorph body typically has the capacity for high fat storage, and unfortunately puts fat on pretty easily. Although all body types are susceptible to excessive weight gain, as an endomorph, you are more inclined to become obese. The majority of your body weight is either centered in the middle of your body or in your hip and buttocks regions. A metaphor frequently used to describe an endomorph body type is pear-shaped. A pear resembles a body that has more weight in the lower region, like the hips and thighs, than the upper portion of the body. Structurally, as an endo, you have small to medium bones, limbs that are shorter in relation to your trunk, and musculature that is not well defined.

Now for the good news. From top to bottom, your soft swelling curves create full, rounded shoulders, limbs, and a full trunk. Voluptuous and sensual are the descriptions given to many endomorph females whose soft body contours and deep curves create an allure like that of Marilyn Monroe.

The key to taking the bad with the good and finding happiness with your body type is by balancing all aspects of your life. Your first concern is your health, and your major health concern as an endo is maintaining a healthy body weight. Excessive amounts of body fat can place you in jeopardy of cardiovascular disease. Remember that the risk of such disease is increased if the majority of the fat is carried in the center of your body surrounding your heart. This danger can easily be avoided by maintaining a healthy diet and exercising. The joints of your lower body may be another health concern. Because these joints are already highly susceptible to injury, high-impact sports or activities may be damaging to them, especially if you carry excess body weight.

Now I know what I must do to turn from this :

to this...

Nahhh!!! Just Kidding, I'm not that crazy! haha.

Good luck to me to shedding all this weight,
for a healthier and fit looking me! \m/

I was wrong when I thought it'd be ok.

2011-03-14T22:48:00.005+08:00

Trying to remember how we were back then and realizing how distant we've become now just makes my heart ache.
So much time has passed & yet you are still the one who can make my heart beat so fast it's about to jump out of my chest.
You are also the same person who makes my heart ache so much I wish I didn't have a heart.

We've become so unfamiliar with each other it's making me miss the times back then so much.
We've become so unfamiliar with each other it makes me wonder if we'll ever be like before again.
We've become so unfamiliar with each other that I wish I had never let my walls come down.
We've become so unfamiliar with each other..........

So unfamiliar, it hurts.
So unfamiliar, that I miss you so much that i can't express it anymore.

I miss you.
I still love you.
But I know these words, will never be known by you.

Cause I know, you've gone forward and I'm...

I'm just waiting on my own in the cold for a miracle that'll never happen.

Cause I still love you that much♥

My bucket list

2011-03-07T14:32:00.003+08:00

Family :
1. Go to Universal Studios' with my family.
2. Go to Korea with my family.
3. Bring my parents, especially my father to watch a real F1 race.
4. Bring my mother to Japan in time during spring to see the sakura flowers bloom. (a total girl thing, dad will so not be into it.)
5. Go to Dubai with my family.
6. Spa treatment for my parents, especially mum
7. Shop shop shop with 'em :D

Friends :
6. Bungee Jumping
7. Sky diving
8. Scuba Diving
9. Rock climbing
10. Snowboarding
11. Skating
12. Travelling with the amigos here and there!
13. Shop till our feet gets all blistered

Yeah, i guess that's about it for now.
will probably add more when i've thought of more.
I pray to god, I get to do it all :)

I don't need to care

2011-03-01T22:15:00.004+08:00

I don't give a shit for your shitless attitude anymore.
You want somebody to care for you, go get a boyfriend that can stand with your 'take advantage of 'em ' behaviour....
Go on. :) I'll be glad to watch you do it. You wonder why people always leave, well. If your ready for some hardcore truth, ask me and i'll tell you why.
For now, I'mma let you do whatever you want to do at your own accord. I'm just not bothered anymore.

2011-03-01T21:43:00.002+08:00

This blog has been dead for the past 4 months hasn't it and now it's 2011 already, time really has flown by.

I know I'm 3 months late now to greet all of you but i'm still gonna do it :)

Happy Belated New Year Everybody :D
May Allah Bless All of You :)

As all would know 2010 was one hell of a year for me.

One minute i'd be like .

Then when I felt better I would go like this .

But to be honest, 90% of my year in 2010 was mostly like this

Failing my first time ever made me go crazy, I felt lost and unsure what i was suppose to do. I know I should get over it quick back then, but nah.. I wallowed in my own self pity and failure and didn't move forward. But now when I think back again, I'm glad i've failed.

Failing has taught me to be a tough person, to be someone who will strive harder to prove others wrong. It's taught me how to get up quickly once you fall. & no matter what I should always have hope and have faith in my own capabilities and never look down on myself ever again. Failing once has blessed me with so much other things that I am now very grateful for.

I finally got 2 A'levels, intending on applying for ITB. In the same time I'll be redoing my A'levels again in june for Bio and Math cause i'm not satisfied with the grades and I'm striving for an even better grade. While I have the will now, I hope to do better and better for my future sake :D

Thank you failure for coming around my corner and teaching me a lesson, lessons I would need for my future. =)

And I'm officially a kpop fan now, I spent my first 3 months of holidays after the A'levels exams checking up on korean groups, singers, actors, actress, dramas, variety shows. You name it, I've checked it. yes, I'm a total freak now -_-'

Now I have another 5 months of holidays, I'm gonna spend it exercising the fat i've gained tremendously in the past 3 years off!!!!!

That's all I have for now. btw, i've upgraded to tumblr...
If you wanna check it out, it's " likeitornotdealwithit.tumblr.com "

Till then ;)

Goodbye September

2010-10-01T10:44:00.005+08:00

HELLO OCTOBER

Where, 30 days from today Monsters come alive.
& 10 days from today, A'levels begin....................

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE SITTING FOR THE EXAM.
May the papers be easy when we sit for it :)

Cheer up before pacman really eats you :D

2010-09-02T20:57:00.001+08:00

NGOMNGOMNGOMNGOM. burp

i found this cute.

2010-08-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

٩(-̮̮̃•̃)

I just had to post it here. HEHE

goodnight everyone :)

Lets take a smoke break.

2010-08-06T23:05:00.001+08:00

Fuck yeah!

this makes it my 2nd time doing the exam

2010-08-06T02:18:00.003+08:00

It's late. It's raining. I'm cold.

There's even cold peanuts on the table.
Like literally , COLD UNEATEN PEANUTS.

Good Luck everyone whose sitting for the qualifying exam. I hope the papers will be easy as peanuts.

Mixed emotions.

2010-07-31T01:39:00.005+08:00

I blame you for my erratic emotions right now.
I blame you for my irregular heartbeats right now.
I blame you for my fast breathing right now.
I blame you for all :(

what i wanted

what i got

You literally pin-pricked me.

but..........................................................................................
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i still love you :/

When I let myself fall asleep I hope for only good dreams :)

2010-07-25T00:53:00.004+08:00

The Dreamcatcher

The legend of the Native American dreamcatcher varies somewhat from tribe to tribe, but the basic theme or intention was to allow good dreams to slip through the web and into the sleeper during the night while the bad dreams were caught in the web and would be perished at morning light. The Lakota Legend has the opposing belief that the web will catch your good ideas and the bad ones will go through the hole.

This is the Lakota's version of the dreamcatcher legend :-

Long ago when the word was young, an old Lakota spiritual leader was on a high mountain and had a vision. In his vision, Iktomi, the great trickster and teacher of wisdom, appeared in the form of a spider. Iktomi spoke to him in a sacred language. As he spoke, Iktomi the spider picked up the elder's willow hoop which had feathers,horsehair, beads and offerings on it, and began to spin a web.

He spoke to the elder about the cycles of life; how we begin our lives as infants, move on through childhood and on to adulthood. Finally we go to old age where we must be taken care of as infants, completing the cycle. "But", Iktomi said as he continued to spin his web, "in each time of life there are many forces; some good and some bad. If you listen to the good forces, they will steer you in the right direction. But, if you listen to the bad forces, they'll steer you in the wrong direction and may hurt you. So these forces can help, or can interfere with the harmony of Nature." While the spider spoke, he continued to weave his web.

When Iktomi finished speaking, he gave the elder the web and said, "The web is a perfect circle with a hole in the center. Use the web to help your people reach their goals, making good use of their ideas, dreams and visions. If you believe in the great spirit, the web will catch your good ideas and the bad ones will go through the hole." The elder passed on his vision to the people and now many Indian people hang a dream catcher above their bed to sift their dreams and visions. The good is captured in the web of life and carried with the people, but the evil in their dreams drops through the hole in the center of the web and is no longer a part of their lives. It's said that the dream catcher holds the destiny of the future.

For a dreamer, night's the only time of day.

Good night and sweetdreams all :)

xoxo♥

making snow angels :)

2010-07-23T00:59:00.004+08:00

Evelyn Saroja Sheena

Jesmine Amelia

Janice Alina

I know if I wanted to make snow angels, I'd wanna make it with you guys for sure

Then we'll add muffins to the snow angels :)

I had a good night tonight cause i got to spend it with you guys :D Good luck in ITB & UBD guys.
And good luck for o'levels sheena and good luck in UK evelyn :)

I love die you guys! :D
"Friendship is Love without his wings!" -- Lord Byron (1806)

Lapar lai?

2010-07-15T00:32:00.005+08:00

Made these the other day with my cousin :)

Creme caramel
-this was mainly made my cousin :D i helped out abit
p/s ; look closely and you can see a smiley face on it ;o

& this was by me ; Bread pudding with chocholate chips on top
There was leftover batter from the creme caramel batter.
Was a shame to throw the batter away.
So I used it to make this and it was absolutely delicious.

Guess that's it for me to say right now.
made this post to make my friend hungry :P

& there's a freaking cat meowing in front of my door.
at this hour? half past midnight. You know what that means :|

Watched it and fuckin' loved it.

2010-07-04T23:28:00.006+08:00

Ditched school yesterday under my mother's permission of course. HEHEHE!
Had to join my parents to the airport to send my maid off. woo-hoo,got my room to myself for two beautiful weeks. So now I have to be the maid of the day for two effin' weeks. ~~fack~~ yay!!!

but whatev's so yeahs,after sending my maid off,we pretty much hit gadong. 1st stop was hua ho,grocery shopping....
Then next was the mall,and daymnnnnnnnnnnnn.... There were plenty of mighty fine young men for my eyes to feast upon. hehehe.
Then pretty much caught the 2.45 for eclipse.

& OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Taylor Lautner is effin' WF*(#WUHRN@Q#)DUQWDLSAKD.............................

HAWT :)

*sizzle sizzle sizzle*

Lets put whip cream on that 8-pack bod!

Not just any hot,but the kind where for a second I was like :
" I swear if I could have a Taylor Lautner/Jacob Black for my 20th birthday I'll be a GOOD GIRL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE "

Even my mum went wooooooooooooooo
It was kinda weird for a second when she did that, my face definitely went like this , for a split second! haha.

The movie was good btw, not just the fact there were buffed up testosterones!!! The acting was good, story line was great and also the fact Dakota Fanning was in there (gawd, i seriously can't get enough of her acting) the movie was just really good.
Still can't beat the original though ----- the book :)

alright,I'm done here.
Gooooood night
xoxo

Mac & cheese

2010-07-02T22:32:00.003+08:00

I made mac and cheese tonight.

Delicious right :)

but unfortunately mine doesn't look like that. Well in a way it does. but not AS GOOD LOOKING AS that.
that's what happens when you try to randomly substitute ingredients you don't have with what you have.
I was suppose to use milk and those ready made grated cheddar cheese but I didn't have them so I used double cream that turns into whip cream if you whip at it long enough.
And instead of those grated cheddar cheese,i erm .................................. smartly used kraft cheddar cheese spread instead.

I KNOW. SMART LEENA. REAL SMART!!!

though it didn't look as good. and tasted kinda different. It still had a good taste to it somehow. My mum went for a second round for it. but,I don't think it tasted that good.
I'm gonna try making it again next time with the RIGHT INGREDIENTS.

& Brasil VS Nederlands on the tube right now.

Go brasil!

Time and time again :)

2010-07-02T15:57:00.006+08:00

So here's the story, I wrote this really long post, like an all long and suave and dorky kinda post and saved it days ago in advance. And to my surprise it didn't get posted cause I had the date to be posted wrong and when i tried posting it today by changing the date there was the whole metadate crap coming out and my whole long post to greet Arif Happy birthday pretty much is now currently being rewritten into... well.....

This.
So here goes ;

Happy Birthday friend. :)
I pray you are blessed by Allah every single day.
I pray that all your wishes and dreams in life comes true.
I pray that all your hard work in life pays off.
I hope you had a blast on your birthday,cause you deserve to have a blast every single day of your life for just being the person you are.
A great friend,a good son,a good brother,a good uncle.
Overall a good person, without a doubt in my mind you are really a good person.
& I'm glad to know you :)

Arif Hj. Yahya♥

I still remember the first day we met
We were too shy to say much at all
It's funny to think back to that time
Because now we're having a ball!

They say that true friendship is rare
An adage that I believe to be true
Genuine friendship is something that I cherish
I am so lucky to have met you.

Our bond is extremely special
It is unique in it's own way
We have something irreplaceable
I love you more and more each day.

We've been through so much together
In so little time we've shared
I will never forget all the moments
that you've shown me how much you cared.

Friends are forever
Especially the bond that you and I possess
I love your fun-filled personality
Somehow you never fail to impress.

The world could use more people like you
it would certainly be a better place
I love everything about you
You are someone I could never replace.

You are always there for me
When my spirits need a little lift
I cannot thank you enough for that
You are truly an extraordinary gift.

You are everything to me and more
I could never express that enough
Life is such a treacherous journey, and
Without you it would be even more tough.

Our story will continue to grow
With each passing day
Because I trust that with you by my side
Everything will always be Okay.

You are so dear to me
You know I will love you until the end
I will always be there for you, and
You will always (and forever) be my best friend.

I wanted to be the first to greet you,even planned out to greet you days before your actual birthday... but obviously that was a FAIL. cause i was so busy.

But then, I guess I'll be the last to greet you instead :D
I don't mind being the last person to greet you. because i definitely know no matter when I greet you it's the thought that counts. and you know that too.

So dearest kawan :) one more time :

Happy birthday,Happy belated birthday.

Love you!

p/s : did you think i'd forget your birthday???
NEVER!!!!!
I was too busy,i blame school.

with love nigga♥
your forever amigo!
understand me ese! haha.

Michael Jackson

2010-06-25T16:16:00.002+08:00

Exactly a year ago from today we lost one of the greatest man to have ever lived.

The king of pop.

A year may have passed.
But you're still remembered in the minds of millions.
R.I.P Michael :')

I call it triple webby

2010-06-14T01:32:00.006+08:00

They call it friend love. HAHAHA!(bah diam,lame!)

So here's the deal. Was pretty much suffering from a boring night. Till i turned on the webcam with my friends. Then my night turned upside down! hahaha. you fill me guys. WAHSEHS.

Here they are :

Arif✈ Mira✈ Jad✈
There are no words that can describe the fulfillment of a triple webby.
SAY WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. kekekekeke

And now they've gone to sleep. awwww. Except for mira. M.I.A much. Meliat bula inda jua. She must've fallen asleep. damn! hahahahaha.

I just wanna get on a ferris wheel and watch the sunset.
I wanna do it with me amigos that i love.
Lets be whisked away guys :D

Besides bragging about them three.

I wish to brag about karate kid. now DAYYYUM! that movie was awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee. like

"awe-fuh-reaaaakkkinggg-some"

From beginning to end,i was like. Daaaaaaaaaaaymnnnnnnnn,me likey movie.

So yes. I recommend that people watch this movie. It's really good. The action and comedy of the movie is good. And the fact they use real KUNG FU kids. C'mon. That's gotta be like giving you the whole "i wanna see what kung fu kids look like" edge right :P hahaha.

well overall. Karate kid is a must watch :)

Alright,I'm done here.
Totally out of words on what to say now.
good night.

xoxoxoxoxoxo♥

it's like walking back and forth and getting nowhere without reasons.

2010-06-12T01:12:00.000+08:00

You me at six- The consequence

What do you want me to say?

Things won't be how you want them to be.

I'm sorry I can't give you what you want.

BUT DAMNIT!!! Why can't you understand me???
your being selfish. that's all that you've been doing and have done. been selfish,is selfish,being selfish.

Your words. Words that know no boundaries. Words that pierce me like ice cold knives.
I'll admit my faults but your too conceited to even admit your own faults. pfffft.

F you! you're at fault as much as I am. Your an adult. Act like it. I'm still learning from my mistakes. What's wrong with you? I can't change myself to fit to what you want me to be.

but if it's hard for you to accept me the way I am. Then I'm sorry. I really am. There's nothing more I can say but sorry. I just wish you'd understand. why does it have to be so hard.

It feels like with each day I'm just staring at an empty hallway.
No matter how hard i scream,no one's gonna hear it.
Your not suppose to make me feel this way.

untitled

2010-05-29T13:29:00.007+08:00

In complete amazement with everything you are. You seemed so perfect.

You were perfection in my eyes.........
then.

How I liked you. How I loved you. How I cared for you. How I felt the first time i heard you tell me how much you loved me.
The butterflies in my stomach whenever i saw you. The smiles I'd make even just by hearing your voice.

But all the wonderful feelings disappeared.

From beginning to end. You've made me into someone whose incapable to control my own feelings. I don't even have to see you in person to feel as if I'm about to burst,just flipping through photos of you I remember what it was like to just be by your side.
Like a fool i hold my phone hoping one day you'll probably send me a text saying how much you miss me or maybe give me a call, as i long to hear your voice again.

But i know very well that all my hopes are only lost hopes. All that I long for from you are just longings of the past. And because of you I feel so trapped in my own past and I have no idea how to move forward now.
It seem so hard to even take a step forward.

So foolish of me to put my heart on a sleeve for the world to see.

So shameful of me to leave my heart unprotected.

So hateful of how you left.

So much anger built up in one night I felt like I could go crazy at any given moment.

So hurt that I don't know how to make the hurt go away.

So betrayed that I don't know how to trust anymore.

You. Because of you.
MAYSHM♥
as hard as it is to detract from you.
Your still in my mind.

My love for you was bigger than my heart itself and even more,
but you just took it and threw it all away.
It frustrates me so much,I just want to scream :')

Bitch Slaps are......

2010-05-29T10:56:00.004+08:00

█▀▀ █▀█ █▀█ █
.........█▄▄ █▄█ █▄█ █▄▄ ©

at the right moment that is :)

Atu si JAD MIZAN. Yezzaaaaaaa :D

2010-05-29T02:25:00.004+08:00

2.30 and i'm still up.
Talking to JAD♥. trying to make him buy skull candies! :8D

That's Him with his steel series headphones i think.
I THINK! but I'm trying to convince him to love skull candies! :D

Cuba liat tu JAD!! lawa kan JAD. Kalah steel series ah :P
Ambuk pun kelawahannnn nie skull candy♥ ah.
bukan lagi ambuk. SAMUT PUN KELAWAHAN NIE :P :P
hehehehehehehehehehehehe!

Don't forget to find me when you need a haircut.
I'll give you a haircut that'll drop your jaw.
FREE EVEN :p so good of me ;p
Jangan inda cari ah. I have prove kau cakap kau cari aku :p
(6)(6)(6)

xoxoxoxo♥

KIMBERLY :D :D

2010-05-29T00:56:00.002+08:00

Jangan risau ok :D
SANYUM SANYUM SALALU!!! ;D

Airplane cover

2010-05-29T00:37:00.004+08:00

I love youtube. it's just purely awesome and what i love even more about youtube is the number of youtube singers you can find. NOT just ANY youtube singers but AWESOME YOUTUBE SINGERS!!!

Right now i'm practically drooling over Cathy Nguyen's cover of B.O.B feat hayley williams - Airplanes song!

I LOVE YOU CATHY NGUYEN! :D
you are freaking awesome!

and besides Cathy Nguyen,it seems AJ RAFAEL is slowly making it big now. AJ rafael who i have like this total huge crush on. Crush on his awesome voice. His voice that melts my heart. Dayyummmmm dude,your just such a great singer!
Being a total sensation on youtube, his now even got his own music video.

Check it out,it's a real good video.
and AJ is soooooooo *drooool*
heheheheheheheheheh! *snickers brabis*

Alright bubba's!! enjoy the song.
I wouldn't post it up here if they aren't good.
So just trust me,check 'em out :)

Goodnight people all over the world.
xoxoxoxoxo♥

Telling you goodbye is still so hard even after all this time.

2010-05-28T23:17:00.008+08:00

You won't know which chocolate you'll get. You might get a bitter chocolate,a sweet one or one with nuts or with fillings.
& you boy, you're the bitter chocolate of my life. You've left a bitter taste in my mouth that's hard to get rid of, but i know with time, eventually the taste will go away. But even if it goes away,I'll still remember that bitter taste on my mouth just as much as how I remember that night a year ago was.

Why did I love you
With all my heart?
Why did I fall for you
From the start?

Why do you cause me
So much pain?
Why do you stick to my heart
Like a stain?

Why couldn't I see
You weren't gonna stay?
Why did I believe
You were gonna take the pain away?

Why did you play my heart
Like a game?
Why couldn't you ever
Feel the same?

Why do I sit
In my room all alone?
Why do I pray
You would call my phone?
Why didn't it bother you
When you made my eyes tear?

Why cant I stop thinking of you,
Why is it so hard to say goodbye
Why do I still get jealous
When I see you with another girl?

Why do you come back in my life
As soon as I'm letting go?
Why do I still get butterflies
When you just say hello?

Why can't I forget about you
And put you in the past?
Why does a part of me still believe
That me and you were made to last?

Oi,kau! the guy i try so hard to forget!
The guy I fell for so hard!
MAYSHM♥

I was a fool for you,
and i think i still am sometimes.
I could say I hate you,
But it would be a lie.
I could wish I'd never met you,
So I'd never had a sad goodbye.

Friday afternoon and rain wasn't falling.

2010-05-21T23:13:00.009+08:00

Today,i'm no longer a Ben and Jerry virgin. I have proudly broken my ben and jerry virginity thanks to my good friend! :p

I had my first taste of B&J's today and i fuhreakingggggggg love it!!!!!! I can't believe how I lived through 19 years of my life without ever having taste this heavenly tasting ice cream.

My First :)

I LOVE GOD FOR CREATING HUMANS WHO ARE TALENTED IN MAKING ICE CREAMS!!!!

PERIOD!!!!!!!

And I love sarr for getting me the ice cream and helping me break my B&J viginity. Thank you love!! :D

So sarr came over this afternoon to bake with me. We whipped up a devil's chocolate cake.
( no kidding,that's really what the cake is called )

This is how it turned out

Though it doesn't look exactly like the one in the recipe book. Or tasted how we expected it to taste like.

DOESN'T IT LOOK PRETTY STILL???

SO PRETTY THAT YOU WOULD WANT SOME :P

Due to the outcome of this cake. Me and Sarr have decided to try again next time. And make sure it works out this time. Right sarr? :8D

I'm going to stop here for now and leave a poem for all to read.

Cocoa, divine

O sweet divinity
dark lusciousness of a time put off
guide me through the tides of crimson rushes
there is none finer that I may know
than perhaps a dip into the passions
that ethyr knows not

my dark love
bind the curse by one and two and three
rid the pain from thee
as i indulge in your flavorful essence
once more.

just an indulgence here and there
but once a month thou art my saviour
dedicated to consume and devour
until all pain has been curbed

and lust dissolved.

GOODNIGHT EVERYONE.

xoxoxoxox

hey soul sisters! and brothers! and whatever you may call yourselves to be ;p

2010-05-16T01:54:00.003+08:00

I don't know how long it's been since i've blogged but the fact i can't remember how long it's been is pretty much prove of it's been AWHILE!!!! sorry for not blogging guys.

This will be a short post. Because for one. it's simply for a remembrance or should you say a memory, for when in the future i look back at this post. I'll smile :D

and two. i want to post it pasal blog ku rindu my randomness. ( random ) ;p

There's this song. My friend introduced it to me like a couple hours ago. And i fell in love with this song straight away with the song. it's freakishly awesome! a good song.

and since aku baik,aku mau share sma kamu lagu nie :P eseh! hahahaha~

Last but not least,i'll try to post another longer post later in the morning :)

p/s : thanks for the song 'KIMBERLY' =8D

keeping it cool.

2010-03-18T20:46:00.005+08:00

Yes,i'm back in school. :)
but now. it's holidays again :D :D yay!

So happy holidays to everyone :)

and i have ipod love to keep me cool~ HAHA!

__̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__

Sakai.

2010-01-23T03:16:00.001+08:00

this is the first post I ever made using my iPod. And I'm composing this while I'm all snuggled up in bed already.

Yes!! I am very very Sakai!!!!

You totally don't wanna go jumping and landing a split!

2010-01-23T01:54:00.003+08:00

There was an awesome and interesting part in thursday episode of american idol. Dude ripped his jeans while doing a split! FOOOL! hahaha~

I found a vid of it,but it's pretty much like a remix. A mix of him and the old man who sang pants on the ground. And it's heckuva funnnnnnnnnny!

Kris Allen

2010-01-23T01:26:00.003+08:00

I miss hanging out with my friends during PS or recess. :(

And the results are coming out soon!!! Argh,shoooot me :/ stressing bout them is just annoying and trying to narrow down the university search to top 5 i'd like to attend and what to do with my future if my results are,hmm... well~ far from satisfying. It's pretty much draining my mental power. I'm assuming my mental capacity has now shrunk to the mental capacity of a child or worse :/

STRESS MUCH??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah,the other day while i was stressing out,I just turned on the TV in my parents room,and then the song hit me! and i practically went "bah aku banar2 suka nie lagu nie" . Thought the song sounds a lil'bit like the script but whatever. It still sounds good :D

I need to stop stressing my life away. I need to live like I'm dying. There's no point in stressing over something that will happen one way or another. All i can do is face it :)

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
we're hiding behind skin that's too tough
how come we don't say I love you enough
till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
we could make a feast from these crumbs
and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
so if your life flashed before you
what would you wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
who would you call with your last goodbyes
should be so careful who we live out our lives
so when we long for absolution
there'll no one on the line

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live -- like we're dying

We never know a good thing till it's gone
you never see a crash until it's head on
all those people right when we're dead wrong
you never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start livin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
live like we're dying
[Fade out]

they call it pancake love

2010-01-23T01:03:00.003+08:00

Pijah came over yesterday,and we had another pancake session :P
I whipped up the batter,but turned out i didn't have enough -______- so she brought hers.

p/s: you left your pancake flour here,krg ku termakan nie ;/

Whip cream + Strawberry Ice Cream as toppings. And to top it all off. the most important topping for a pancake ;

MAPLE SYRUP!!!!

nothing can get better than that when it comes to pancake!

You can just see it,Pijah already attacking her pancake!

It was sweet heaven in our mouth :b

I can't wait to have another pancake session with you woman~ i want it to be a pancake monday next time macam hey monday! awwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuutt!!!! haha! :P

Say hello to a new start.

2010-01-01T01:34:00.007+08:00

First post of the new year

The clock strikes twelve. I hear the sounds of fireworks in the clouds,sounds of laughter in the other rooms. I can see the little kids from the window jumping up and down on the patio as my brother and cousins throw the air bombs into the air and as it lands it explodes and the kids just watch with awe and excitement.

Yes,the new year is here~ A brand new year,it's when we decide to come up with newer,better,improved resolutions than the ones made the year before to improve ourselves. Or we turn a new leave completely that comes with a whole new look too.
Safe to say,the new year is more about improvement and new beginnings.

I haven't exactly come up with real better improved resolutions but i know what i want for myself this year. I've made a couple mistakes i can't take back now and too late to regret them except I've learned from them.
I'm going to try and start anew,a new leave perhaps? HAHA~ we'll see,yes. (:

" Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right "
-Oprah

2009 has left the building and 2010 is here to stay,for another 364 days that is.

Happy New Year everybody!!
May god bless all of you~
& may this be a great year for all of you.
Enjoy :D

" What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from "
-T.S eliot

- Every end is a new beginning

This is my good-bye to you. MAY
2009-12-23T13:51:00.004+08:00

We have stupid conversations. We have late night calls. We have laughs. Your big smile makes me smile.

But it'll never go back to the way it was.

I'll remember that night.
It's been 7 months.
I'm trying to forget still,but even when I try it still feels like it happened last night.

Yeah,I missed you~
Yeah,i loved you~

but that's all it'll ever be.

Past tense in our context of sentences. Memories.

We used to have stupid conversations. We used to have late night calls. We used to share laughters. We used to have this big wide smile for each other.

Cause we're never going to be able to go back to what we had before it all started and ended.

The four years we've known each other.
Done and forgotten.
Goodbye's in order but i don't want it.
Yet,it has to happen.
Cause I can't keep missing you.
I can't keep remembering how much it hurt.
I don't want to. I know it and so do you.

Why the relationship failed.

2009-12-22T20:20:00.003+08:00

I believe some may cry and some may not as they read this story. But I'm definitely sure that you'll feel that wave of sadness and sympathy as you read it because if you don't,then your probably dysfunctional? or worse =\

My cousin told me to read this story,he got it from an email forwarded to him by his friend.

" Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however
unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out.. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard.. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."

I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.

As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would
love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. Icried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hitsme. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby....My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."

-This is a true story.

LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!

I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience .... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let’s live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.

Take greatest care and live on. "

Good story ey (:

18 selalu,jgn risau ;p

2009-12-18T00:17:00.004+08:00

18 Disember 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SEXY WOMAN!!!!!!
Today is your day so have a blast!!

Vain oh orang belakang tu (A)

All the best in life babe (:
Lucks in everything you do.
And may allah bless you.

Loveee you beyotch!
You know you love me,
Leena Gossip girl.
xoxo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dean (L)

2009-12-14T03:06:00.003+08:00

Hahaha,i can't help but share this. I know it's uber late. 3 in the morning right now.
Had a short chat with din,and i said i was watching GG.

And out of nowhere he says this :-

Diden says:
i knw u love me
xoxo
gossip guy

Antam tah dean,antam!! hahaha.. Nyaman ketawa ku membaca,sakit parut ku ketawa~ and i'm still laughing! I keep reading it~ hahahaha!

Good-night and good-morning boy and have a safe drive later (:

I know you love me
xoxo
Leena Gossip

eh.. you! ahax. poklen :8P

2009-12-06T03:46:00.004+08:00

AHAHAX. Poklens kajap.. Poooooooooooklens :8P
Siapa kan nie baju purple nie? =P
Kan suruh vain pun,baginya belakang wah. Hmph! ;p

This duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. Is funneyh *snickers*
Tapi shy at times -.-" nanti mau di tumbuk nie lau datang shynessnya~ hahaha.. nada wah.

You :) .......................

Your awesome :)

but i'm awesomer masih ;p

Amizi Rosman

2009-12-06T03:07:00.003+08:00

Met him from biology class.
The guy who sits in front of me.
Smiles everytime when we see each other.
Big wide smile.
Says hello alot.
Funny and enthusiastic.
Great friend
And had mistaken him to be a muslim until this year during puasa.
Ingat ko that time di lab? Ngalih2 sja kau keluarkan IC mu untuk aku liat to prove ko inda payah puasa arah aku.. Majal aku tu ah inda mau percaya! hahahaha

OH KAWAN!!! HARI ANI KAU LEGAL SUDAH :P

Happy birthday Mizi :)
All the best in life and have a blast today.
You've hit the big ONE-EIGHT , soon berlesen dah nie! :D

p/s: awu mizeh,aku curi gambar mu dari FB nie.
HAHAHAHAHA!

Secret recipe

2009-12-05T01:53:00.004+08:00

Spent my dinner here on the last day of my november and today :D
Took a couple pictures,starting of with this one.

I know it's kinda blurry,but you can see him standing next to the driver seat

Some weird indian was standing right beside our car,god knows what he was doing but he sure as hell was standing for a really long time there. Say 15 minutes?
15 minutes is more than enough to steal a car,and my mum started to panic abit and my dad didn't seem to care~

Mum : behapa orang atu sebelah kereta tani ah?
Dad : *eating*

5-8 minutes later ;
Mum : eh,lama jua ia diri sebelah kereta atu :X
Dad : *peeks at the guy for a few seconds* ia meliat sja tu.
Mum : lama jua ia meliat atu,bnr kah???? [ I was thinking to myself,worried jua eh. ]
Dad : nada papa bah tuuuuu~ *continues eating*

And he was right, the dude walked away after awhile. Sakai kereta kali oh =x

The two pictures above are.. how should i say it,a guy celebrating his ~~lonely~~ birthday :s
I was eavesdropping on his sister talking to the waiter and that was when i knew they were celebrating the dude's 18th birthday.

It was my mum who noticed the cake,she was pretty curious why there was a huge ass cake being served to only TWO people. So I ~~eavesdropped~~ listened and then told my mum.

Me: the guy's turning 18 today.
Mum : how do you know?
Me : I heard the sister say.
Mum : cakap cina jua tu!!! 0_o
Me : 0_0" aku skulah mana dulu??
Mum : eh *ketawa* aaaah~~~ Eavesdropping ah!!!
Me : *Innocent face*
Mum : Bah,lets sing the birthday song for him. Basar tu cake ah~
Me : astaaaah~ Yah!!! napa nie bini ayah nie? :\
Mum : banar jua tu. It seems sad just the two of them and one huge cake. They should invite us to eat it with them. Bah,go sing leena! *big wide smile*
Me : 0_0 Silly mum!!! crazy sudah mummy ah!
Me,Mum,Dad : HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

My mum was literally on a silly mode today. It must've been the tiramisu she ate.

The queen and king of my life (L)
Mum attacking the cheese brownie XP

Carrot Ginger soup

Lasagna i had today :D

Mushroom soup.
Tasted GREAT!!!

VANILLA MILKSHAKE!!!!!!
The glass came out fresh out of the freezer,look at the bottom of that glass,you can see it foggy! :D

Chocolate banana,mum's drink.
i no like it! ;\ tasted weird~

Tiramisu cake :)

Chocolate brownie (Y)

Laksa......
i can't remember what laksa it was~

Chicken Cordonbleu! nyaman yaw~ my order

Caramel Cream Cheese

Ada orang atu kenyamanan kek ani :P siapa nah? (@)

I had to do it,I just couldn't help it :P

VANITY KNOWS NO END

I feel now it's my turn to speak cause I've kept quiet long enough (:

2009-11-21T02:26:00.007+08:00

BECAUSE THIS ISN'T WHAT WE KNOW!
THIS ISN'T THE PROMISES WE MADE,IT WAS DIFFERENT THEN!
THE PLANS FOR THE FUTURE WERE DIFFERENT.

IS THIS REALLY IT.
TO LET IT ALL FALL. TO LET IT BE.
NEITHER WANTS TO TRY ANYMORE?
IS THIS THE FRIENDSHIP THAT'S BEEN OFFERED TO THE TABLE?

HOW'D WE GET TO THIS? WHY'D THIS EVEN HAPPEN?
I WANT WHAT WE HAD BEFORE. I WANT TIME TO TURN BACK.

why did everyone give up?
i don't understand anymore.
i feel like everyone changed too fast.
everyone's just pretending now.
it feels like yesterday things were great.
we'd laugh like crazy,make stupid jokes and make fun of each other.

I MISS US!!!
GODDAMNIT!!
I FUCKING MISS US!!!!!!

at the very least i admit it ='(
cause i actually cry thinking how things used to be.
i hate it =\ cause this shouldn't have happened -.-'

AA 49

2009-11-20T16:42:00.002+08:00

X8D

One day I was walking down a street then I met a cat. XP

Cuba liat tu,determinationnya to exercise =p

Miao (@)

Kawan (:

2009-11-20T16:13:00.003+08:00

Lets walk together baby :)

Fyza Muneera (L)

YAHOOOOOO!!!!!

2009-11-20T15:15:00.008+08:00

Say F.R.E.E.D.O.M

No more staying up late to study,but instead we stay up late to have fun.

No hanging out and feeling guilty about it.
No stressing so much about homework not being complete.
No waking up early in the morning and feeling stressed over school.
No need to hear the constant naggings of teachers over incomplete work or the fact how incompetent we were in doing the work they gave -_-

NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE [for now that is ;p]

Tomorrow we return the books that were given to us say, 18 months ago? can't remember exactly how long, but i know we've had the textbooks for less than 24 months :P
I'll pack the books later,flip through them one last time (:

Main point :
The holidays that's been long awaited is finally here for us!!! wooohooooo~

The long awaited freedom we yearn (: uhm-hmm~

Keep dreaming upside down

2009-10-28T21:38:00.006+08:00

I choose the latter :D

I sat for two papers that I feel i'm sure I will fail (: especially biology.
IT WAS HARD! EXTREMELY HARD..UNBELIEVABLY HARD.. ARTICULATELY HARD! well,for me that is (:
Before the exam i tried reading all I could and finally felt that no matter what I do now is just purely pointless and so I gave up and broke down.

It felt like giving up was the only choice there was then,but i realise now it isn't. I gave up cause I was afraid and annoyed. Angry at myself for not doing the reading I needed months ago. But now I have no choice but to study with all the time that I have left. It's a choice I made myself,I myself chose to procrastinate and thus this is the consequences I must face (:

The exam has not ended yet (:
You fight till the end :) :) :) cause it's not the end yet (:

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU WHOSE SITTING FOR THE A'LEVELS!!!!!!! :)

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Albert Einstein, three rules of work
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.

3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you,till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer,never give up then for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn

-Harriet Beecher Stowe

AWU DEYH!!! luan jua! ;p

2009-10-09T22:47:00.008+08:00

It's fine to be mushy-mushy all over in facebook but then even being mushy has a limit.. I mean seriously there's that okay mushy but there's also that eew,wtf is wrong with you kind of mushy.
Another issue would be being so over-controlling -_-"
seriously~ eew much?

FACEBOOK IS FREAKING PUBLIC
-____________________________________________________________________-"
inda kamu dua tau kah??? mun inda tau please,sila maklum..
FACEBOOK NIE PUBLIC HANTAP SEMUA ORANG MEMBACA TU APA KAMU DUA BUAT!! :o :o
woooooot wooooot ;D (mental -_-")

Example of being controlling,maybe too much? you be the judge =_="

GET A FUCKING ROOM THE TWO OF YOU!!!!!! (:

He sounds like his ready for a quicky =\
[ it starts from the left side,so read from the left and go down then go back up to the right (: ]

Click to enlarge if you want to read all the text clearly

not trying to sound like a hypocrite cause I know i'm mushy too when I'm dating someone but sure as hell ain't this kind of mushy -_-"

somebody's got to tell them to hold it in their pants <-- okay,i'm exaggerating here! haha
but yes,someone really needs to tell them to keep THAT kind of stuff private.
That's why MSN exists and something called a house phone or mobile phones!!

GO HAVE PHONE SEX IF YOUR THAT HORNY! we don't need to know it! -_-"

Robin thicke you make me sway

2009-10-04T01:07:00.002+08:00

click play to listen.

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I would be you, you would be me, we would be one, we would be just fine
The ice caps wouldn't be melting and neither would I, mmh
I would just drive my big old car, and everything would be alright
And energy would just fall down right from the sky, yeah

Words would fly right from out of my mind, out of my mind into your heart, into your life
And everything would sound just right, and no one would stop me from drinking my wine

That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, it's more than a dream
My dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, and I wanna live in my dream, (dream)

For the real world just don't feel right
I wouldn't spend my days searching for, searching for lost time, yeah hey yee (ooh ooh, dream)
I wouldn't be so damn sensitive, I'd let things go by
No matter what the weather, I'd learn to change, I'd change with the time, yeah he

And everytime I need a woman, she'd appear right by me
she hold me tight, treat me right, and tell me that everything is gonna be, is gonna be alright, alright

That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld

I would tell Van Gogh that he was loved, there's no need to cry
I would say Marvin Gay your father didn't want you to die (dream)
There would be no black and white, the world just treat my wife right
We could walk down in Mississipi and no one would look at us twice, ehhe he yihi

That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, it's more than a dream
That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, and I wanna live in my dream, (dream)

Everybody dreams.

Everybody's got their perfect version of their own dreams :)
So do I,or should I say,I use to.
I miss it.

finding myself making every possible mistake (:

2009-10-03T13:24:00.002+08:00

Cause I'm only human

i couldn't stop laughing watching the bloopers

Taken From Nishy Nish (:

2009-10-01T16:11:00.006+08:00

I was bored and came across this in her blog,it's awesome~ Boys!!! read it and absorb it!! or i'mma slap you if you don't.. hahaha! just kidding ;p as if I'd slap you :P

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don’t give it up on the first date, who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect and that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe… maybe this time he’ll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” to “time heals all wounds.” This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they’d rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn’t care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they’re too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one’s for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won’t because it’s easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over her, he’s just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it’s easier to believe that it’s not that they don’t want you, it’s that they don’t want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you’ve returned home alone, for the nights when you’ve seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he’s with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t want a relationship: it was that he didn’t want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he’d realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you’d have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we’ve believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we’d have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don’t think that they deserve more, because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don’t understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don’t appreciate them and don’t want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call… and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the “stalker chick” you’d met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth?And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this “nice girl” who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you’re not looking for a nice girl. You’re not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you’re looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don’t say you’re on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won’t answer your catcalls, sometimes you’re looking at a nice girl in whore’s clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we’re all thinking the same thing: “This isn’t me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be wearing a t-shirt and flannel shorts, I’ll have slept alone and I’ll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me.” You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don’t want the nice girl.. so don’t say you’re looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we’re willing to extend - - but in return, we’re looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they’re running they’re chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets… the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she’s a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won’t matter), hoping against hope that maybe you’ll realize that they’re the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won’t last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we’re waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what’s a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Saroja!!!!!!!!

2009-09-30T13:05:00.001+08:00

Sarr's the bully!!

How vain can I get when I'm bored!

2009-09-29T20:21:00.006+08:00

Monday Morning

It was suppose to be the day that I go back to school but then ;s
My dad was kinda slow at coming back from sending my mum off to work so I just decided not to go ;p
And while I was waiting for my father I vained ;p

Starting off with this (:

Just wanted to greet everyone selamat hari raya :D

And the many faces keeps going as you scroll down ;p
what can I say,desperate times during boredom calls for desperate measures! hahahaha

The scary I'll eat you up face!

The ...... ( i have no name for this look ) ;p

I look so boring! so normal in these 2 pictures ;s

Promoting Chrysanthemum Tea,a healthy drink by Yeo's! hahaha

Heh?? ^o)

Walalalala~ 8-)

POUT!!!!!!!

More pouts!

uhm-hmm.

2009-09-09T13:18:00.007+08:00

I want to say I'm tired,but then there's others that are even more tired than me.
I want to say that it's the lack of time,but I had all the time I needed.
I want to say that it was hard but everyone else could do it.
I want to say that I panicked,but. Now that seems like a rather stupid reason to give! (:
I'd love to say that I'm stupid but then again,i go to school. I can't be that stupid.

I'd be able to give all the one thousand and one excuses for being a failure now but I know I can't. Cause when you sum all that one thousand and one excuses and minus it by a thousand~
There's only one valid reason that can be accepted and the other thousand to be ignored.

"I WAS LAZY SO I FAILED!!!"
"HORRIBLY!!!!! TERRIBLY!!!!"

and now I must face the music, no one else to blame but me (:

& I'm not bothered by that fact
I'mma accept it instead (:

There are no secrets to success. It is the results of preparation,hard work and learning from failure
-Colin Powell

Just for laughs

2009-08-20T01:20:00.002+08:00

Fook chuan's note,laughed my ass off reading it~

Name: Expecteria Trouserius (Trouser Snake)

Location: Throughout the world

Description: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extralayers of skin)

Varying from Pink to Black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit (spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet)

Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bur.Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months.The attack is not usually fatal.

BEWARE: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen

Habitat: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places

Searching for Anti-Venom:
1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the snake, with the thumb in the front
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and start spitting

The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20minutes

Conclusion: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect.It makes a wonderful pet.

fine~

2009-08-20T00:41:00.006+08:00

You gave hope and i listened,and all I wanted to do was slap myself.
Yes,you walked and quit when I didn't. It all happened so fast.
But now I know,it's my fault. I didn't listen hard enough (: cause I wanted to believe in something different. naive? maybe. idk. i'm only human

Tell me again,how do you play on a piano that's broken?

something short

2009-08-15T13:48:00.002+08:00

Qualifyings begun~ Had chemistry paper 4 today~
I regret not memorising the past year answers -_________-"
That's all I want to say~ will update my blog with something after the exam's done

& to all muslims,happy advance fasting month (:

HIATUS BABY

Love this song (: enjoy~

Gossip Girls

2009-07-21T18:33:00.002+08:00

I like the part when Dan said this

Your damned if you do ; Screwed if you don't

Nice (:

p/s : yu-huuuuu~ sayang fyza!! hehehe.. I miss you babe~
& nah,updates~ I know sikit.. Nanti ku update banyak2 =P

Baby<3
I miss you so much :(

Twitter!

2009-07-17T14:51:00.003+08:00

100

Yups ; it only seems reasonable for me to say,oh yeah~ I've hit the 0ne-oh-oh~ 100 twitter updates~ Finally ;D since idk how many months of being 'active' with twitter~

And of all the 72 followers I've got,about 40 of them are pretty much strangers =.='
I did say before I'm going to be a very active twitter-ian~ which I'm still managing.. But with a blog,facebook,A'levels & the qualifying exam in less than 3 weeks? Twitter seems to be the least important of it all,facebook is getting to be very addictive,i'm always logging in my facebook~ I intend to deactivate it soon (: & the qualifying is top priority~ like the utmost important right now~ If I don't pass it,I'm gonna have to pay just to sit for my A'level exams,so yes~ I need to put myself on revision mode~

Procrastination is definitely a bad habit of mine~ but yes,I'mma change that~ no matter what it takes~ even slapping myself just to get my lazy ass to sit in the living room and do revisions~ whatever it takes.. REVISIONS MUST BEGIN~

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon~

Now,isn't that just the longest soon you've ever seen =P

Hello <3
It's a beautiful day (:

completely most random post ever!!!

2009-07-17T03:06:00.004+08:00

Jarvis-baby

Totally on repeat~ word! ya dig what I'm saying~ nigga's out there~ LOL (cari pasal ma org itam aku nie eh~ )

So yes,it's 3.19 right now,wide awake when i should be asleep~ like totally asleep! So yes~ i love to be awake at this hour cause baby is still up.

Idk whose got a birthday today,but whoever is celebrating or having their birthday today~ Happy birthday!!! =D (random!!!)

I have no idea why I'm being so random right now,I think cause it's because I'm so hyper~ and you'll probably ask why~ well,NOT GONNA TELL!!! ask me personally if you want to know.. HAHAHA~ whatever..

I just wanted to say ;

I see you,and i smile~ Now cause I've seen you,i can't stop smiling~ my face is cramping baby :P

& my frowns turned upside down :)

Sultan's Birthday

2009-07-15T19:13:00.005+08:00

It's HM's birthday~ Happy Birthday dude

Wishing the man wasn't my purpose for blogging today~ I'm just bored and i thought why not update this blog and give you guys abit of an update about my life (:

I spent my whole morning asleep since the night before was spent watching one of the most lamest movie ever made ; BLOOD ( sorry baby milo,aku tau ~~scandal~~kawan mu ada berlakon in that movie but seriously~ fuh... lame cerita tu =P siuk lagi the anime yaw! ) but the whole night wasn't exactly a whole waste thanks to a phone call (:

As I woke up at noon where I'm sure everyone's having lunch, then I remembered bout the lunch I'm suppose to be having with Rahul and the others~ hehehe.. I nearly forgot about it =P
But since I remembered,got my lazy ass up took a bath and had Hazwan pick me up and off we went to Sutera Biru~

Thank you rahul for the lunch,kenyang berabis tani semua makan~ :P

So yeahs,spent about 3 hours plus at sutera biru and off to the beach we went~
Me,Mira,Auji & Hazwan~ There were alot of people at the beach especially Indians or otherwise in Auji's code talk.. 'LINGKA' hahahahaha!

Then we went our seperate ways,Mira and Auji went home~
& Me and Hazwan~ He brought me to RC (:
Thank you wan~ I owe you big time for bringing me there ( sampai ~~gila~~mental jua lah lam kereta ko suruh aku manggil ia~ hahahaha! but thank youuuuuuuu berabis! )

So yeahs~ that's about my whole day excluding the fact tonight I'm home and I've ~~skipped~~ missed chem~ ooops
I'll make it up by doing something productive~ probably.. hehehe~

& even if it's afar,or just 5 minutes. It's good enough baby,as long I get to see you and hold you again (:

xoxo

Lets take a walk
Together (:

Do you still believe in fairytales?

2009-07-12T01:21:00.004+08:00

Well I don't,not anymore (:

Do you remember the stories you'd hear when you were little.. Cinderella,the beauty and the beast,Peter Pan.. Where the prince and the princess always end with a happy ending even Peter Pan had a happy ending (:
& you would believe them until you started to grow up =o

I believed in fairytale endings,believed it so much that I was never able to see the wrongs that existed in this world~ But when I did I chose to deny it~ So naive I was.

Now,I just think that fairytales were made up to have children believe in things that aren't real,no matter how real one would like to perceive a story to be. In the end of the day it's not real~ there is no happy ending to everything.
All happiness can be gone just like the wind blowing sand away from your hand~

Bonds are made then broken
Trust was given but then betrayed
Hopes were kept high but then crushed
Love was given but never cherished

& in the end you grow tired and lose faith.

& i want to see you again baby (:

(:

2009-07-09T22:50:00.003+08:00

You say your fine

But i know

Your not fine

& it's a rainy day

<3 you (:

Back to school

2009-07-07T20:57:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was officially the back to school day. Arriving at school,the stench of alcohol filled my nose and the sight of teachers with their masks on and holding a thermometer,they looked really ready to combat swine flu ( or at least ~~wrestle~~face the students who might have swine flu )

I got my temperature taken and had isopropyl alcohol poured on my hands ( eew,it stinks // i hate how it smells ) & after all that,the teacher stuck a sticker on my tudung ; & i'm lucky she didn't ask where my badge was cause if she did i wouldn't know how to answer her~ haha!

Classes began at 9 and maths was the first class i had~ Sitting in Mr.Lim's class, i noticed only half of the students were present.. well more than half but yeah,pretty much alot were absent~ & he was teaching on ~~Binomial~~ something ( adui,obviously I'm not paying that much attention in class ) & I was really struggling to stay awake,cause the night before I couldn't put myself to sleep early.. My body clock was so ~~effed up~~ that night~ -.-

Right after math was bio,quite a turn up with only about 3-5 absentee's and same goes for chem except during chem we had a visitor.. Fauzan,back from UK and doing his attachment and gosh,how much his changed.. his grown taller and his upper body has pretty much buffed up // muscles!!! hahaha~ I couldn't recognize him at first sight at all,I thought he was just some random ~~gay~~ dude walking around SMSA form 6 block~ ( soorry fauzan,hahahaha~ jahat jua aku tu! ) But again,congratulations eh.. Maju dude (:
& everyone were walking around school with masks on,it's like fashion now to wear a mask and there's like different types of masks.. It was just a funny sight~ .. Especially seeing Mr.Roland wearing the mask,when i came out of my car and saw him wearing the mask I was like holy shit,the drunk gorilla wears a mask~ say whuttt!!!!!! haha

Then finally it was time to go home,talk about happy~ haha.. I was so excited to go home,cause all i wanted to do was crawl back to my comfy bed and sleep the whole afternoon away ;P

Summing it up,school was booo and yeay abit. I got to see my friends again,who i've been missing over the period of the holidays but coming back to having lessons and to the stench of dettol and alcohol and having temperature taken all the time.. Literally not fun at all~

I guess that's all i have to say about the whole back to school & fear of swine flu in school madness~ I'm too lazy to type more yada-yadi-yada crap now..

& da-bliew <3
Capi eh~ hehe..
I love you (:

& as time passes,i miss you even more

Prattyush Roy

2009-07-07T20:34:00.003+08:00

I find him to be not bad,his my friend.. Met him a couple years back during tuition~ Had great times during those years~ haha
His pretty good with that guitar & his vocals are getting there.. but One thing's for sure.. His a really good song writer.. I love your lyrics roy =D

Take this one for example~

Times when I think of you,Inside I feel so much bliss
First time that you held my hand,First time that we both kissed
I've locked these feelings all along,and right now as I sing this song
I want you to know how much I care,How much love we both share

Just for you,I'm feeling so great
Just for you,I lost my weight
And now it's true,That I can't even think of a moment of how I'd be without you
I guess that I'm falling for you

I'm punch drunk high in this love
It's like I'm in heaven above
There's no one I love as much as you
And in your heart you know it's true
Every text that you sent,All the magical moments spent
Life without you ain't life at all,Don't ever stop picking up my calls

Just for you,I'm feeling so great
Just for you,I lost my weight
And now it's true,That I can't even think of a moment of how I'd be without you
I guess that I'm falling for you

Just for you,I'm holding my breath
Just for you,Even if death did us apart,
I'm pretty much sure you'd still be alive in my heart
I guess that I'm falling for you

Just for you,I'm feeling so great
Just for you,I lost my weight
And now it's true,That I can't even think of a moment of how I'd be without you
I guess that I'm falling for you

Just for you,I'm feeling so great
Just for you,I lost my weight
And now it's true,That I can't even think of a moment of how I'd be without you
I guess that I'm falling for you

Kudo's to you roy (: Keep up the good work and keep practicing them vocals~

& i smile to myself when i think of you (:

Ohh~

2009-07-04T15:34:00.003+08:00

I like this photo~

Lawa ;o

oh yes,another day of holiday and it's back to school~ & I'm pretty much sure when school starts I won't be updating this blog of mine for awhile so excuse me when this blog lacks updates in the near future~ hehehe..

Swine flu is getting ever serious now in Brunei,increasing to 102 is what i heard today ;o
It's practically getting more and more serious all over the world~ There's even a song of it~ which is wacked out funny when i watch it~

I need to get me a mask already,I haven't bothered to get one & have been roaming around brunei without a mask (minta kana jangkit kali aku nie~ HAIYA!!!)
Well everybody out there,take care and be swine flu free~ wear your mask and make sure you take care of your hygiene well ;P

Well,i'm gonna be off now~ accompanying my parents to jerudong today to buy some fishy~~ since my movie date with my brother got cancelled~ hehe

Till then good-bye (:

& your voice is like music to my ears (:

Obe nominated me random queen

2009-07-02T22:46:00.006+08:00

so so so,i love being random.. and it's such an honour to be called random queen by you women.. oh~ thank you.. thank you~ hahahaha

webcam madness ;D

& yes,i choose to see something different in you (:

Kes buring sudah nie!

2009-07-02T03:00:00.001+08:00

I'm effing bored!!!

Lets see.. what else can I say at this hour~
I'm chatting with Obe now,I love you girl (:

& i like Demi Levato cause she's a great singer..
if you don't like her,bah putui~ TAMPAR nie!! go die alone and miserably there!! hahaha... kidding =)

But really,I'm just superbly awesomely bored out of my oh so effed up mine ;D

XD,Demi~

oooh yes, before i go off to bed

OI~ I LIKE YOU♥ (:

hehehehe,gila sudah (:

2009-07-02T01:49:00.006+08:00

yes, I've finally re-arranged my links in alphabetical order finally (:
now it'll be way easier for me to find the people i wanna find~

Azie random with his i hate you's and then out of the blue :-

awu bah lai.. I know you're bored!!
I love you~ wooo~ haha

Last but not least i should tell you bout my day (since it's 1:52 already,meaning it's the 2nd already i'll just say) yesterday~

Finally I've met Jessica ;) hello Jessica =D *waves*

Went here and there.. then vained~
Saroja took a photo of me where I looked like as if I was trying to touch Jess's ass ( actually i was just pointing to the floor (a) )
Then Jess took of a photo of me where it looked like I was trying to grab Sarr's boob ( actually the same moment jess took the photo,i lifted my hand ;P )

so overall I'm innocent.. Trust me,the photo's are so deceiving~ hahaha.. Their in facebook btw if you want to see them.

I had a fun day yesterday before I had to go home (:
You know who you are and you know why~ Kan sarr
That's it i guess~ ILOVEYOUGRANDMA!!!

& that was it,the beginning perhaps (:

NABIL AHMAD

2009-07-02T01:02:00.003+08:00

oh yes.. at this odd hour,i'm still up.. my brother's on the phone with his gf in the living room.. thus i can't watch the television right now.. bastard!!! hahahahahaha ;P

bored out of my mind,i decided to check out the links and i realised that some of my friends had their blogs deleted or their links changed or put private and they didn't tell me..

but most important one is..

NABIL AHMAD!!!!

PRIVATE TIA

AKU INDA DAPAT MASUK BLOG MU!!!!!

=(

hehehe,mental (:

Happy Birthday Baby Milo

2009-06-27T12:39:00.002+08:00

This guy who I've known for pretty much a long time since we were in Ugama~ Then we graduated and we pretty much lost all contact until friendster re-connected us again =D

His first few comments to me in friendster :

01/03/2008 8:37 pm

ur welcomeeee.ayy how do youu know?aku knal kauu kee. introduce urself xp.blehh knn

01/03/2008 8:41 pm

eyyhh kauu rpanyerr.
sklas ugma dlu knn. luruss.
lpa ku nmaa muuu. sorry2. sapa nama mu aa.

01/03/2008 9:39 pm

Ahhhhh smaa aajaa. sklass skul ugama haha.
eh bknnya lpa. ada ckit2 ngat tp nda brpa ngat haha paan. ouhhh leena. bahh pnggil aku a6. xp
nda bahh. hehe. =)

I might have forgotten him for awhile that he was my classmate in primary 6 ugama,but I remember now.. wooo-hooo~

Well,to the point,it's his birthday.. and..

Happy Birthday Rif

All the best in life and in the future~

& have a blast today (:

for it's your day =D

Jgn lupa bawa aku jalan-jalan when ko ada lesen
ciao! love you doood~

Good-bye MJ

2009-06-26T14:30:00.002+08:00

King of pop

Your a man who has put a great impact on everyone,with your music and style.
Your moonwalk and your songs & your days in the Jackson 5 with your brothers.
You'll always be remembered.

A real king of pop is what you are, then ; today ; and in the future.
You live on (:

-Michael Jackson R.I.P

Random much?

2009-06-23T02:40:00.003+08:00

Give me hope

2009-06-23T01:56:00.003+08:00

I'm so indifferent nowadays. I have no idea of what I should do. I've also become unproductive education wise. All I do is sit in front of this laptop or if I'm not with this laptop I'll be in front of the TV. wtf?!

If this continues then bye bye B's or even C's for a'levels.

I'm such a bum ; so pathetic

Somebody slap me to wake me up or better yet,kick my ass and kick it hard!

made it up

2009-06-22T01:29:00.004+08:00

Wouldn't you agree?

I sat next to the window and looked out~
The window fogged up by my breathing,so i drew a love on the window~ =)

But then the drawing didn't last..
It faded away in the end

but i still sat there,still staring outside the window

Slowly fading away like the heart

It figures:-
Love
Such an unforgotten feeling by the end of the day~
The feeling we humans are abused with most of the time is by LOVE itself

err err

2009-06-20T01:44:00.001+08:00

Fucking worried!!

Where is he???????

I'm so not going to bed till he gets home or at least reply my message..
I'm so on the verge of being pissed to tears =(

Areeeeeeeeeps

2009-06-19T14:37:00.003+08:00

BABY MILO besar panjang sudah!!!!!! ;D

Yaw~ memang tinggi sudah~

I think aku ingat dah time darjah 6~
pendiam berabis! =P

Delifrance

2009-06-18T22:06:00.004+08:00

Open it up in Brunei again

I miss delifrance,I remember when I was younger I'd be at yayasan,and eating my lunch at delifrance~ woohs I miss it.. They should open it up again..

Cold Cuts baby!! I use to loveee ordering those when I'd eat at delifrance.

I went to miri's delifrance few weeks ago,food was delicious *drools* and i love the design of that place (:

Drinks and my mothers' order~ the Caesar salad was freaking awesome!

My order =D

France baby~

My dad's order

Pictures were edited courtesy of baby milo~ thank you,love you kawan (:

Before i left,I just had to take this shot,Me and the Delifrance's mirror (woooohoo~ vain!)